The Secret to Arbitrary Rituals

Consistency! This is one of the cornerstones of every successful endeavor. If someone wants to be successful in their endeavors, there has to be an inclination to keep going till you get it. An unwavering force that keeps the motivation burning. On the hard days, this is even more important. Today I will show you 3 secrets to keep you on track with your goals.

Train your Brain

Your brain houses subconscious tendencies we do without thinking and repressed memories that it holds, but we’re still acting on. All this can come off negative, like an inescapable impulse, or positive, knowing that your brain function has a trainable survival mechanism that can aid you.

On the matter of consistency, training your brain to expect small repetitive tasks every day will coax you into being open toward the task you might struggle with. Say you’re writing a book and it’s difficult to get yourself to the desk and actually start putting down words. You skip a day and the next… Now your brain is trained that it’s ok to not do this every single day, and it will take some willpower to get back into the flow of things.

Say you didn’t feel like writing, but you know you should. Maybe instead of not doing it at all, you can cut down on the work you normally put out. Say, instead of 1500 words, you do 800 words instead. If that’s not cutting it, perhaps 500 words. The idea is to be consistent so you don’t fall out of writing or whatever goal you’re wanting to achieve. That way, even if you set a smaller goal on the day you don’t feel like doing it, your brain will stay trained to the idea that “I do this every day.” Thus no matter what you accomplish in that day, you’re still accomplishing something.

Trick your Brain

Now, this isn’t as tricky as it sounds. Tricking your brain isn’t a matter of consciously telling yourself that something is true. It’s the act of allowing your subconscious mind to absorb information that helps you. It’s what ads on a website do. Even though you see an ad that doesn’t interested you. Your subconscious will take note without you realizing. after repetitive exposure to said ad, it might be something you grow interest in. Especial if they attach it to a program you enjoy.

Now take that concept to get your brain to do something it doesn’t want to do. On a emotional level, your mind might fight against you and you may not do it. But, say you do something before your difficult task. It could be anything. Like, do the dishes, do jump-in-jacks, drink a cup of coffee, spin around three times before you yell ‘go time!’. It can literally be anything and say you do that ‘thing’ every time before doing that difficult task. After enough repetition, that ‘thing’ or ‘ritual’ will act like a switch! getting you ready for the task at hand. enabling you to carry it out with attentive ease.

We human beings are creature of habit. Many successful people has taken this idea and ran with it. Steve jobs wearing the same thing everyday. career individuals adopting ritual workouts in the morning. make personal to you and give it meaning! that’s very important. Create a story around your rituals and why you do them. Affirm it with your subconscious mind. I promise you’ll get better results.

Reward your Brain

Positive reinforcement can also be used as an arbitrary ritual. Allowing yourself something delightful, especially something you can consistently give yourself is great motivation! Life’s hard enough as it is, and your pushing to achieve on you’re own as well. Throwing a little extra work on top of those dreaded societal expectations. So reward yourself with something for just keeping on task and being consistent with your goals. Your brain will thank you.

Closing Thoughts

To sum all of this up, paying attention to the minor habits you have while trying to succeed can have drastic effects on your productivity if you notice them. You can use arbitrary rituals to aid or even hinder you. Hopefully, with the information above, you can use them to help. decide what your rituals can be to succeed. Also, think back through your day and decide which ones do nothing to help. We’re all in this together and I hope you all find what you’re looking for.

Shine On!

How to Have a Difficult Conversation with your Loved Ones

Have you been putting off a conversation that you need to have with someone? Has it been itching at the back of your mind ever sense “that thing” happened? You want to approach them, or maybe your waiting for them to approach you. Whatever the case may be, there is anxiety building up said thing, and it will not go away till you have that conversation. This is one of many cases where a text message or even a phone call will not suffice. You have to get close and look a person in the eye. To get the most out of mending old/recent wounds with the people we love, we need to be face-to-face. There are occasions where a phone call is enough. Whether it be distance from one another or unwillingness to meet, the phone call might be the only option. Otherwise, to properly mend decaying relationships, the face-to-face option will be best. I’m going to give you 5 tips to get the most out of your confrontation. Not to say it will be easy, but proper planning on issue will go along way!

1. Study your Emotional Foot Print

Every Human being has a variety of emotions we don’t completely understand. We act emotional when something triggers us, most likely making us defensive and needing to lash our in anger, sorrow, despair, etc. After the confrontation passes, the feelings of guilt can take us. Immediately regretting the things we said and we go into apology mode. Saying sorry to the person, but not understanding why any of it happened in the first place. Things like this can happen again and again under different circumstances. It’s fine to feel guilt when things like this happens, but rushing to say sorry without looking into one’s self can be short-sided. This emotional pattern as the potential to research again and again till you take the time to understand how it works.

Look back during the situation and look for the emotional escalation in you. When did it happen and what was the defining trigger that was set off?

Ask yourself questions:

How do you handled emotions has a child?

Was there anything in the past that was similar to what is happening now?

How do your loved ones react to your stronger emotions?

Really analyze these patterns. Keep the notions of blame and denial out of your head when you’re thinking about it. There could of been some emotional build up that lead to the escalation, Child hood trauma that brings about emotional limitations. You never really know till you talk about it, and that can be hard. Discover lines in the sand that makes you feel a certain way, then understand how it effects others. You might get a glimpse into their perspective.

2. Plan it Out

Make a List

Plan. This. Out! If you have been sitting on this for years and the relationship has never been the same, then you need to prep. Being prepared for any difficult conversation is good for that matter. It wouldn’t hurt to notify the person, explain enough that there needs to be a TALK between you two, and about what. Then settle on a date to make it happen. With the other party in the know, there is more of a chance that they will be willing to push through the awkwardness and keep the conversation going.

Plan somewhere quiet without interruption. It’s best to work through awkward moments between the both of you and not have an outside source to immediately galivant to. Going for a quiet walk can help if movement helps you both think, Sitting in the living room on the couch. Make it as personal and away from others as possible. Grant it, if your afraid things might go wrong, or afraid physicality might get involved, then notify someone you trust! Tell them what you’re doing and use your best judgment from there.

Set a timer for how long the TALK should take. Giving the subject a limited amount of time is good. It gives you both the ability to walk away and possibly reconvene with fresh thoughts on the issue. These things can be emotionally taxing and it’s best not to over load each other. Thirty minutes to an hour is enough time to get your initial points across.

3. Be Receptive and Respectful

If you are leading the conversation, set the tone! be open and respectful about the other persons thoughts and allow them to finish their statement. It’s difficult to hold back sometimes when triggers are bound to rise, but that’s why planning is good. You can anticipate something will bother you. Be willing to take criticism when it comes and don’t interrupt or cut them off when they open up.

When giving your perspective, Don’t use language such as “you”, or placing the other person in a state of blame. Use language like “us” and “we”, You’re working together through this. The ability to be objective about the situation will allow you to reach further in understanding the other person.

Narrow down the things about yourself that you want to protect! Gather what you learned from studying your emotional footprint. Reveal the things that really matter to you, the parts of your identity you want to keep intact. Respectfully covey to the other person how it makes you feel when they attack these aspects of your identity.

4. Listen and Validate the Person

Let them be Heard

Excepting one’s point-of-view is a big step towards them opening up. Validating there emotions and affirming “that it’s ok to feel like that” in this situation is huge! It takes the other person out of a defensive stance, thus creating an opening for them to listen to what you need to say. That understanding is hard to find. We human beings are social creatures. More than anything else, we want to be understood. Validating their emotions is saying,

“I see you and I understand you.”

which doesn’t mean you have to agree, far from it. But the relationship you have with this person should be more important. If you take the time to get this far, your odds of coming to a mutual understanding will increase. Strengthening the relationship.

5. Take Responsibility

Now this is a very important step to mending a relationship. Admitting to what you could do better, or how rash your reacted. Give a thought out explanation about what you learned and what you hope to achieve in the relationship. It helps to explain it from their perspective. It let’s them know that you’re aware of the issue they are having with you. Never give a short-sighted apology just to make the other person feel better. Or worst, “Apologize for how they feel,” This statement is not a real apology because it relinquishes responsibility from the person who says it. That might be fine for a conflict that’s not considered a “Difficult Conversation”, but we’re talking about just that. Skimp on the empty apologies! In fact, delete it all together if you want to have more fulfilling relationships in general.

Closing Thoughts

In conclusion, if you follow these tips within the confines of your dispute, I’m sure you will be eagerly willing to settle unresolved conflicts with other loved ones. The world today is drabbed in loneliness and we tend to find comfort in someone new when our relationship with others fall out. But it only creates the same result as before, starting a cycle of emotional splitting. Relationships, in most cases, is all we have. Just reflections of one another. Tackling hard conversations is a chance to come to terms with the things we deny with ourselves. So please, Take action and prepare for your next “Difficult Conversation”. There’s only so much time.

If you want to learn more about having Difficult conversations, check out Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. there is a summary on YouTube about this book as well. For more, there is also Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. I want to thank you all for getting this far in my article and hope this helps.

Shine On!

What are the Primary Chakras

What are the Primary Chakras?

Chakras are points of energy aligned in the body that effect us in physical, mental, and emotional ways. Chakra, cakra in Sanskrit means “wheel”. We use the representation of a wheel to visualize the alignments of energy.

There are many Chakras to talk about, but today we’re going to focus on the primary points of energy, seven in total. The primary Chakras run along the spinal cord. If you wanted to “open” your chakras, you would start from the bottom (the Root Chakra) progressing up to the top (the Crown Chakra). It’s fine to focus on them individual and out of order, it takes awareness and research to find out which ones need your focus. But the meditative practice of opening Chakras can lend to many benefits, enabling change and forward motion. So let’s get started on the seven chakras and what they do!

Root Chakra

The Root Chakra is located at the pelvic floor of the body and associated with the color of RED. The Sanskrit word of Root Chakra is Muladhara. Mula meaning “root” and Adhara, which means “support” or “base.”

Imagine the Root Chakra being the foundation of your base(like a house), establishing synchronicity with in your environment. Enough to be safe and secure, thus gaining the ability to unlock all other primary chakras. With out a strong base, the line of growth from other chakras becomes thin. Making it real easy to fall back into coping mechanisms when your faced with the matter of survival. Growth can happen from a weak base, but the matter of leverage is against you. Being aware of that can help sustain open chakras beyond the root, but is difficult.

Sacral Chakra

Just above the Root is the Sacral Chakra. Positioned just below our belly button. This has reverence over our sexual nature, our passion, our joy.

It’s the step above survival where we find meaning within the world. A force of action cultivated by ideals. Very emotional is this and serves as our driving nature. The color associated with the Sacral is ORANGE. Many of us get stuck finding passion for life and allowing distractions to take us. Keeping us stagnantly surviving.

Solar Chakra

The solar plexus chakra, or manipura chakra in Sanskrit, translates to, “city of jewels.” This Chakra is a regiment of unique spender to the body. Located just above the belly, at the diaphragm.

This is your voice, your personal power. The energy that gives you confidence to live among the world and be uniquely you! It’s the power of the sun itself. This Chakra associates with the color YELLOW and is a masculine energy. Many individuals that have there head down in life possibly have there Solar Chakras closed, and might need attention. The power of the sun is giving. Take heed and absorb as much as possible… with out getting burned.

Heart Chakra

Heart Chakra is located in the center of the chest, not necessarily where the heart is. Anahata in Sanskirt, meaning “unstuck”. The color associated with this energy is GREEN.

The heart space in our body works as a mediator between the external world and spiritual space. It’s energy is unconditional love and compassion, adding to your confidents and allowing you to connect with others on an emotional level. The Heart is sophisticated in compassionate energy. Opening this can enhance your relationships with others. For those having issues expressing your true feelings, the heart Chakra might be something to look into.

Throat Chakra

Throat chakra, In Sanskrit, the word Vishuddha, meaning “purification”. This Chakra resides in the throat and connected to the tongue, neck and mouth. The color associated with this energy is BLUE.

This chakra aids one in speaking they’re personal truth. Abilities to be loud and concise with less drain to your person. When you Throat Chakra is closed, it takes so much effort to communicate on a effective level with people and becomes very draining to one’s energy. Open it with chants, and expressive conversation with the one’s you trust. This also help you in your understanding of language from others, there are times when you can hear someone, but you can’t understand what they are saying. If this happens often, look to make a meditative practice with the Throat Chakra.

Third-Eye Chakra

Third-Eye Chakra, It’s Ajna in Sanskrit. which Ajna translates to “command”. It’s aligned with the pineal gland and between the eyebrows. The color associated with this energy is INDIGO.

This Chakra lends power to intuition and insight. Traversing the fluctuation of energies undenounced in the physical world. It connects us in a way where oneness can be actualized. The Brow Chakra has a special relationship with the Solar Chakra. They both rely on the light to connect personality and spirit. This aids in hormone balancing when taking in nature and the sun.

Crown Chakra

Crown Chakra is located at the top of the head. The Sanskrit name “Sahasrara” translates as “Thousand petals”. The color associated with the Crown is WHITE.

This Chakra enters the realm of enlightenment, oneness with infinity, a bliss and communication beyond physical existence. It is a direct representation of the soul some say. One few of us human beings clam to achieve this open Chakra.

Final Thoughts

In closing, studying the architypes of each chakra point would contribute to your mind and body. They giving structure to self-development that’s broad enough to go about improving in anyway you want. There are chants, stones, sage, colors, movement, meditation, conversation and foods! We naturally contribute to these energy points. I look at it as a chance to add more variety to things I’ve felt we’re missing. If your being nagged by a lack of passion, and depression is starting to settle in, look into the Chakra points! Something might stand out for you.

Shine On!

What’s Making you Angry? 3 ways to find out

A lot of things have the ability to make us angry. From others not acting in our best interest or others acting in a way that harms someone we care about. There are occasions where we get angry and we are not sure what exactly we’re mad about. Say something trivial happens and it triggers you in the worst way. This can be dangerous if your not self-ware. You could inadvertently lash out at others for something that wasn’t there fault.

If you suffer from sporadic anger and it places you in a state of shame. Here are 3 ways to going about understanding your anger issue. I’m not saying these methods are straight forward fixes for anger. There only steps to understanding why they exist.

1. Apply Pressure.

One of the most helpful things I do to uncover emotion turmoil is getting physical. Meaning doing something active that tires your body, One way I manage is taking a running. traditionally running improves your mood after your finishing and during. When that pressure is applied, I get a gest of what anger I’m holding on to and where it’s coming from. I’m sure you can get the same pressure from doing any other cardio based exercises. When your body is holding on to something negative, expressing the body through physical action potentially reveals a lot.

2. Take Notice

Sometimes we get anger and we don’t take witness to ourselves getting there. We could of been building it up. Think of all the minor annoyances throughout the day; big and small. Till we reach out mental threshold before blowing up. We all go through periods where nothing is going our way and we end up putting in extra work to make something right, a car cuts us off. Playing games with others online and it doesn’t go well. All these inconveniences can build up, leaving us a ticking time bomb.

A way to bypass some daily grief is to take a step back from aggravating situations and observe how you feel in the process of angry. How does it feel in your body? does the temples on your head bulge out? Does the muscles around your eyes tighten up? All good things to ask. Plus if you take notice, your quicker to express to others on where your at mentally. Informing that your limits might be easier pushed.

3. Meditation

I can’t stress mental wellness enough with the act of being still. Meditation is great as a preventive measure when your stress levels ae high. Curbing your tolerance at times that require more presence and patients. The act of stillness can also allow you to decipher patterns in your anger. ultimately allowing you to find solutions that otherwise would have not been found if you lend yourself to distraction or escapism.

Closing

The path to emotional mastery isn’t easy. Impulses are not within us to simply control, but to notice. As far as anger is concerned, It helps to take action rectifying what’s eating at you. Anger patterns can go as far back as childhood sometimes and can be very difficult to nullify. Our subconscious minds become trained to handle situation to keep us safe. Anger is one the most common cover emotions for hiding pain. Learning to express these concerns to others that care for you can do nothing but help you in the long run. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind when something bothers you. training yourself to react differently to something triggering takes time and you won’t always get it right. I wish you well.

Shine On!

Top 3 ways to listen to your Body

Have you ever felt something was wrong with your body but couldn’t point out what it was? Have you been to the Doctor multiple times, spent hundreds of dollars just to find out you were healthy all along? I have, your not alone. There was a time when feeling the mind/body was a myth to me. The mind/body being the inner voice and sensations you feel. I spent many days reading illnesses on the web and second guessed myself if I had the symptoms to what ever illness I was searching at the time. It wasn’t till later that just simply being still with your body can accomplish a lot.

I’ll talk about the things that can block communication with your mind/body, teach you how to focus energy to particular areas, and conduct your own test to learn what you may need as far as your body is concerned.

1. Taking out the Middle Man

Most human beings on Earth exhibit the means to distract themselves from the life they’re living. Escapism has reared its head in many ways in todays world. From gaming, watching TV, and social media. Most anything can be labeled a distraction now-a-days. Looking at these activities alone, each one aren’t necessarily bad by societies standards, but too much of a fun thing can isolate you to such a degree that you start lacking the awareness around you and also within you. All of these activities raise your dopamine levels similar to pain pills, coffee, and other stimulants. Minus the euphoric feeling of pleasure.

The indulgent nature we human beings are starting to acquire, hurt us in the long run. It skews your perception on an emotion level where we have to treat those arbitrary time wasters as common dependencies. Soon, as I would suspect, will need to raise awareness that things like that effect our communities on a high scale. Mostly children because they lack the control to push away things that make them feel good.

What does this have to do with feeling your body? If you funnel too much time into dopamine filled activities, we end up caring less for the state of your body; as long as we get our high. So injuries and even emotions will fly over our heads because of this. This could be the difference between finding cancer in it’s beginning stages or noticing it too late. Even figuring out your own emotions so you may find resolve quicker. I know many situations in my life I wished hindsight was available. So taking small steps to cut down on trivial dependencies (social media, gaming, etc) will aid you greatly when needing to figure out your body. Cutting down depression as well.

2. Meditation

There’s a practice in the Meditation field called a body check. It’s the means of letting your mind meander over each part of your body and seeing if anything feels different. Sometimes the mind will not notice something is a miss until you place your focus there.

Focus attention from one end of the body to the other. Usually using breathing as the catalyst for exploration and moving the minds eye along till completion. The focus on breathing in itself is a good presence tool. As you relax deeper in your meditative state, you’ll begin to notice changes in the body easer. Your breathing is powerful!

3. The Inner Voice

We all have an inner voice, This accumulation of knowledgeable words that manifest in our minds eye. The thinking state that we use to make sense of things. What if I told you, That you can connect to different parts of your being by channeling it through your inner voice.

For example; you’re channeling desire as an emotion and you ask yourself If you should play another game with your friends. Your your inner voice will likely tell you “yes! yes! again yes!” If you were channeling say, responsibility! your inner voice could give you a very different answer. Saying, “no, you need to work in the morning.” or, “Just one more because you can still get eight hours of sleep.” There’s variance what your inner voice will tell you depending on what your channeling. Don’t mistake it as your gut or the Universe giving you these answers. It’s very easy to misjudge what you channeling in the heat of passion, anger, and happiness. You will receive many different answers to the same question depending on what your channeling.

Just to add, the more you channel certain aspect of yourself, the louder that voice gets. Like a muscle, it builds till it can become more prevalent than your other inner namesakes.

Feel More

In closing, making an effort to connect with your body is nothing but beneficial. In these times, we may be starting at a disadvantage when it comes to beating out out isolating desires. I’m with you! you are not alone! in time we can do better, even if the results don’t show immediately. One step back and two steps forward. Start with you, then set great examples to the ones that look up to you.

Shine on!



How to shed Coping Mechanisms

Ever get stuck in a loop of things you know are bad for you, but keep running back to them for comfort? Things like smoking, Pharmaceuticals, perhaps binge watching TV, and social media. I’m with you. All too well I know how it feels to be hooked into things that kill us. It’s not all bad until you do it to the point that it’s too much and it starts effecting our lives in ways we never intended.

When trying to stop coping mechanisms, We set high goals for ourselves to stop cold turkey and ultimately give in. This happens in a number of ways. Possibly lacking a support system from family of friends, an accountability buddy to keep us earnest about quitting, Or lack of information that could reinforce willpower. Whatever is holding you back, I’ve been there. I feel your pain. I struggle with many coping mechanisms before discovering my current practice.

Shadow work is something I discovered when going through the deepest depression I’ve ever had. I had just turned 30 and felt like I haven’t accomplished anything of value. No girlfriend or friends in general. Everyday I went to work was a living nightmare and all I wanted to do was escape.

Look deep with in the dark corners, and find light hiding

“Shadow work is how you integrate the aspects of your unconscious psyche into your conscious experience and allow the positive aspects of the shadow self to express themselves.”

There’s many ways to preform shadow work. Most traditional methods are more of a meditative experience. Sitting down and recognizing the emotion that is giving you the most pain. Sit with that pain and ask yourself reflective questions based on that pain. This process might take time if you never done it before, but the results are uncanny. Stay persistent because making the unconscious, conscious is not a push-button practice. It takes time and understanding.

Why does all this matter as far as coping mechanisms are concerned? Well, imagine trying to go without smoking till you get that impulsive urge. With that impulsive urge, sit with it, see how it feels in your body. What about this makes it painful to you? What emotion are you feeling when you go without smoking? It could me more than one emotion! Identify it as best you can. Lead with the question to yourself, When was the last time I felt this way? I’m sure your mind will have no issues recalling the last time you felt a particular kind of pain. It’s part of our survival instincts to remember pain when it effects us to traumatic levels.

The pain you feeling might not seem traumatic when your thinking back to it, but now ask yourself this question – When was the first time you felt this pain? This step can take a moment to answer. Revealing core trauma to one’s psyche isn’t meant to be easily revealed. This could lead to childhood memories that were traumatic. The range of trauma varies from person to person. It’s not always something you thought would hurt you in your adult life but did as an infant. So be kind to yourself.

So let’s say you discovered the central pain of why you smoke today! You go through the motions and integrate (heal) that side of you that needed to smoke to cope with that situation earlier in life. Now that you have discovered your why’s, it will be a lot easier to let go of that coping mechanism that once held you up. Don’t be surprised if you have an easier time letting go of other impulsive habits as well. Don’t expect changes to happen instantly. I recommend not indulging in any extracurricular habits you may have for a day or two. Meaning if you tend to drink alcohol on the weekends, I recommend not doing it after you make an emotion break-through.

If your able to do it once, discover another habit you’re impulsive over and dive in again! Doing this one step at a time will gain you insight, and more personal change than you thought possible.

I recommend the method I’ve been using for years now. The Completion Process, by Teal Swan. This book changed everything I know about emotional healing. I think it can help you too.

Why Choose Death? and How it can Help

The idea of choosing death is shrouded with taboos and emotional stopping points. It shuts people down and some don’t want to enter notions of the enviable. Which is understandable, death is scary because there is no clear understanding of it. We see what happens when our loved ones die and it comforts use to know they are going to a better place. It is how we cope, knowing that our loved ones live on after they pass, in heaven if not only in our memories.



What if I said that choosing death is a way of letting go past boundaries, rebuilding a foundation based on death of old habits, death of a past selves. By using this idea to conqueror the very next obstacle that holds use in place. We cling to life because if makes use safe. sticking to whats safe will keep us alive longer in the physical world. But we may longer be dead on the inside before our physical body gives out. 

That’s why practicing the acceptance of death to push us further can very well get us over the hump. Not in terms where we are completely out of our element and you have 0 knowledge of the situation your in. Clinging to life in those situations will be more helpful. Now taking the next step in a matter your familiar, learned about and have great interest in pursuing, Choosing death when the time comes is more helpful. Allow your body to shed the butterflies, insecurities right then and there and take a step forward.

It’s the proverbial dive off the cliff. The cliff in our mind, the longer we avoid jumping off it, the taller the cliff rises from the waters. That’s for any obstacle standing in our way.